I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
