Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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