i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
