somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
