He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
