my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
