I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
