I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
