somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize