Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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