Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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