i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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