Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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