I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My dick has a subreddit
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
