thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
