I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
