I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
