Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
