so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
