All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
