Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
