A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
