These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dick very happy bro
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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