It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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