benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
