A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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