Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
