i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
