hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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