I think i peed on brittanys purse
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
