We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
false alarm, still single
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
