i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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