If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We need a shit load of segways right now
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
