so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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