Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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