I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
