Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
