is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
