Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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