i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
