i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
