I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize