i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
