I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
