we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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