life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
