I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
