I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
