did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
