Girls should come with a carfax report
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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