i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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