I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
