He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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