my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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