One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
