id be glad to
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
