The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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