he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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