So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
