I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
