She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
