Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
