not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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