just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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