How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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