I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
