She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
