Please, let me fuck your mom
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
