super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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