She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize