Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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