Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
