My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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