She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
