yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
