Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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